Sticks and Stones . . .

Is your glass half empty of half full?

We have all heard the age old idiom,"Sticks and stones may break my bones.... but words will never hurt me." - a very hard lesson to learn. This saying seems to be lost in todays world where we take offense at the slightest remark.  A very good friend, a "tough love" and "call it as I see it" friend offended me mightily until I learned this.

While complaining about how horrible and terribly wrong my own world was, she always said,"Only because you allow it to be."  Taken aback, I thought how rude, how dare she judge me, and my young mind went in many directions, and out of friendship I kept my mouth shut.  How? When? Why? What? Was she saying that the reason there was so much chaos in my world was because I allowed it?!? No! Who would want this?  Certainly not me! No way! She was so wrong and I was going to prove it!

Turning her comment over and over in my mind I tried to find fault with it.  Days turned to weeks and months, I did not call her, or return her calls.  I was certain she was wrong, and she had no idea why I was avoiding her. She came over to confront me, calling me out on the carpet.  Already feeling guilty by avoiding her and rudely not returning her calls, I let her have it, all of my thoughts on the matter.

She wasted no time setting the record straight.  "If some one calls you a name, do you believe it?"  I stammered.  She bulldozed forward, "Well?  Anyone can call you a name, if they call you something nasty - is it true just because they said it?  How about whore?"  Still stammering, I replied, "no?" 

"NO!"  she said, "Not, no?  Everyone has their own problems, but you can CHOOSE to be a victim or not.  You can CHOOSE to take offense or not, You can CHOOSE to have a horrible and terrible life because sooo much is happening to you, or you can CHOOSE a happy life, 'cause it's your life, and the other is no longer an option."

You can CHOOSE to have a horrible and terrible life,

because sooo much is happening to you,

or you can CHOOSE a happy life,

'cause it's your life, and the other is no longer an option."

Easy words for her to say I think, like she know what I am going through! 

"You don't believe me?  @#$(*@!," she says, "Is that true? Are you a @#$(*!?"

"NO!" I yell back.

"That's right, your not.  You are not a victim, a bad person, or any of those other things, but how will anyone believe those things if you don't start believing them first?  Don't be a victim in your life, take control over it, don't let others control you, we have control over one person in this world, and that is ourselves, and the way we think and how react to this world.  Don't let anyone, including me, steal your joy."

"We all have problems, some have ex's, or loss, a number of things can go wrong, but don't give in to it, don't give them that power over you and the way that you think, never give in to them."

Well now, that was a lot to take in at once, I have a choice to be happy? No matter what is happening in my life?  So simple, yet complex, and why didn't someone tell me this before?  My life and that of my children's lives were forever changed by my friends tough love, "it's your choice."  To this day, my kids often quote,"Today, I have a choice to be happy or sad (mad, victimized, etc..), and I choose happiness."